“What’s the point then?” - my sister about my wedding.

So, my fiancé and I are planning to get married this August. We don’t like a lot of attention and don’t want a big traditional wedding.

We both come from religious families, so for most of our peers and relatives, a big wedding is expected. But that’s just not for us.

My grandparents live in the country, and both of my aunts got married on their land, so we decided to do the same. We’ll have a small ceremony with just parents, grandparents, and siblings, and then later in the day, we’ll have a reception with more family and friends.

We’re not having bridesmaids or groomsmen either since the ceremony is only immediate family. I have a brother and a sister. My fiancé has a sister and two brothers. So it would feel a bit strange to make them bridesmaids and groomsmen. It’s not really that kind of wedding.

I had already told my parents and my sister (she’s 20) about the plan, and my parents thought it was a good idea.

Later this week, I was chatting with my sister about a wedding photographer I like and wish I could hire. She suddenly goes, “What wedding?” I said, “Mine?” And she said, “I thought you weren’t having a wedding.”

I explained the plan again and she was like, “That’s not really a wedding since there’s no bridesmaids.”

I was just confused, like what?

I told her, “It’s still a wedding,” and she kind of just shrugged and said, “Sure…”

Then today, I was at my parents' house helping make dinner. I brought up the wedding again because I haven’t really planned much yet. And for some reason, my sister brought up the bridesmaid thing again. She said she’s been telling people I’m not having a wedding.

(We both went to a small college, and we kind of know everyone there, so it’s not like she’s saying this to random people.)

Again I was just like, what?

Later, I was talking to my mom about photographers, and my sister chimed in: “Since I’m not going to be a bridesmaid, can I take the pictures?”

I said no.

She goes, “Then what’s the point…”

And I said, “To see me get married?”

Then she starts again with the bridesmaid stuff and says, “What about our cousin? She can’t be a bridesmaid either?”

We’re very close with our cousins, and the one she’s referring to is also 20.

I told her no — she wouldn’t be a bridesmaid either since the ceremony is only for parents, grandparents, and siblings.

And my sister freaked out: “Cousin isn’t invited to the wedding?!”

I explained that she is invited — just to the reception, not the ceremony. It’s not a diss. The ceremony is just for a small, specific group.

She said a few more things but I honestly don’t remember. My mom told her she can do whatever she wants at her own wedding, but that didn’t really stop my sister from going on and on.

I guess maybe she’s been dreaming about weddings for years and always imagined being a bridesmaid in mine. But I’m not the kind of person who’s ever thought about my future wedding like that. Honestly, I would’ve eloped, but I’m trying to compromise a little for family who want to be there when I get married.

I just feel frustrated at my sister.

She also kept talking about her future wedding — apparently she and her boyfriend of four months have already talked about it — while I’m sitting there trying to talk about mine.

I don’t know.

She’s making me feel kinda bad for not including cousins in the ceremony, but that’s just way more people than I want.

Anyway, I’m not changing my plans to add bridesmaids just to make her feel better.

That said, I’m thinking maybe she can hold my bouquet or be a sort of “bridal assistant,” something small that’ll still feel meaningful. It’s not really a compromise since I’ll need someone to do that anyway, but I think asking her directly and making it special will make her happy. And I do want her to be happy at my wedding.

People need to realize that a wedding is about the bride and groom and about what they want. She should be happy she is even invited!

Yes, she may be hurt because she always pictured herself being a bridesmaid, so maybe you can have her do something special (like get ready with her, have her wear a certain color). But it is not unreasonable to only have a very small, intimate group while you are exchanging vows and experiencing the best 30 minutes of your life.

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