Future father-in-law sent out save the dates without my permission.

So, I’ve never posted on Reddit before but I am genuinely stumped. I recently sent out save the dates to our close friends and family on our guest list. We originally wanted a smaller wedding with a guest list of 75-80 people. We sent out save the dates to about 70 of those guests knowing we wanted them all there. My fiancé’s family is from overseas. I’m talking a 14 hour flight and a 3 hour train ride away. My fiancé’s father asked if he could have a copy of our save the date. We did them digitally and I thought he was sending it to his mother as they keep in touch frequently.

Come to find out he has sent them to at least 15-20 families each with spouses, kids, etc. I have never met any of these individuals and my fiancé has told me he doesn’t know many of them either. It has been expressed to him that we did not approve this and he said that there’s nothing we can do. We need to wait and see who wants to come. I disagree. We still have about 10 months until the wedding. What can we do? Can we even do anything or are we stuck? How do we express that these individuals will not be invited to our wedding?

Also, adding that father in law has contributed to paying for catering. I know that when parents contribute it’s customary for them to get a say, but I feel this has been a clear overstep. Am I wrong?

UPDATE: Fiancé had a chance to have a conversation with FIL and MIL. They’re angry. As we thought they would be. They have said they see our POV but won’t reach out to fix the issue. They refused to let us know who they invited and won’t let us in the group message to make the situation right. They have also pulled half the funding they originally gave and basically told us unless we do it their way then they will not pay. We gave them the other half back as well. So they’re fully re-funded.

Anyway, this is all well and fine as we have decided to cut our losses and cancel the original wedding we planned. Looking back we always wanted a small, intimate wedding. It has turned into a bigger event than we wanted. We looked at finances/contracts and found we would lose less in deposits to cancel than we thought. We canceled everything and are planning to elope where and when we want in the next year with a dinner party for close family and friends afterward! We’re both very excited to finally do it how we want without outside pressure from others.

Now, it’s time to tell FIL and MIL that they get to tell those family members that the wedding is canceled. They’re angry now, but I know them. I know they will feel horrible about this situation when everything calms down. Thank you all for your input!

Your husband needs to grow a spine and tell his father to contact these people and tell them that he made a mistake and that they aren’t invited. It’s non-negotiable. It’s your wedding, not his. Helping financially doesn’t mean he gets a say about the guest list.

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