AITA for not stopping the party when my friend had a meltdown?

So I’m engaged. Yay. My fiancé proposed last year and I finally started actually planning. It was starting to feel exciting in a real way. 

My MOH and bridesmaids threw us an engagement party and honestly, it was perfect. Everyone I love in one place, good food, people dancing, just... good.

Then halfway through, one of my friends had a complete meltdown.

The friend, let’s call her Maya, has been in my life for almost ten years. She works weddings and events in Beverly Hills. She’s always been super Type A. Very composed, always knows what she’s doing. 

I asked her to be my day-of coordinator for the wedding because I trusted her and she said yes immediately. 

We’d been grabbing coffee for months going over little details. I thought it was going great.

Anyway. The night of the party, someone told me Maya was outside crying. I went to check on her and she was sitting on the curb, shaking. 

She said it was the anniversary of something traumatic and she was having a panic attack. I sat with her, asked if she wanted to leave, offered to get her anything. She said she just needed a second and would try to come back in.

She did. Sort of.

She came back into the house, looked around like she was expecting something, said something I didn’t catch, then turned around and walked straight out the front door.

It wasn’t subtle. Everyone noticed.

The next morning I get a voicemail. She said she was stepping down as my coordinator because she felt completely unsupported. That we should’ve stopped the party for her. That it felt like nobody cared. Then she said she felt unappreciated for everything she did to help make the party happen.

Which confused the hell out of me because my maid of honor and bridesmaids planned the party. 

Maya didn’t do anything. She didn’t help. She didn’t bring anything. She showed up as a guest.

I texted her back and told her I was really sorry she felt hurt. That I thought I was doing what she needed in that moment. 

She said I was just making excuses and didn’t reply again.

Then a few weeks later, she starts texting saying she wants to apologize in person. I told her I’d prefer something in writing. I didn’t want to talk live because I didn’t want to end up cornered again or get dragged into some emotional spiral I wasn’t prepared for.

She never wrote. She just disappeared.

I haven’t told anyone she’s not in the wedding anymore. 

No one’s asked yet, but eventually someone’s going to. And I still don’t know what I’ll say. I still don’t even know what happened that night.

So. AITA for not stopping the party?

Sounds like you don’t really want her in your life anymore, which is fair. I’d feel the same.

You already gave her a chance to say what she needed. She didn’t take it. At that point, it’s not your problem.

The way she made the party about her, then ghosted when you set a boundary... yeah, that’s classic main character energy. If she pops up again, just say you’re focused on wedding stuff and not up for a conversation. If she keeps pushing, block and move on.

Share Wedding Pending